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A Short Story: America's Strange Sierra Team

Discussion in 'Arts' started by Deadly shot, May 3, 2009.

  1. Deadly shot

    Deadly shot The Offensive Type!

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    I need my creative juices to start going around for my novel so I created this to keep a few of you all to entertain you. Oh heres a status thing to show you what the main char looks like.

    Name: Harry Kreig
    Rank: Private
    Appearance: 6'4, Fairly fit, advanced agility.
    Personality: Determined, Formal, Loyal

    As the copter started to rotate itself, Major Wilkins waved at me.​
    I saluted him because of are good work as a team. The others have already been transfered to other squads.

    "Good luck, Private Kreig!" He yelled as the copter now lifted. "I hope the your new squad notices your great potential!"

    The copter had finally started flying off and Wilkins was heading to retirement. My name is Private Harry Kreig. I am in the U.S army and my squad has disbanded because of are Major's retirement. I have been assigned to a new squad. They say that they could use my help of situations. Their outpost is around the Afghanistan's borders so it is frequently attacked every once month. I walked to my helicopter and was now being brought to my new team. I closed my eyes and took a rest for the trip.

    1800 Hours

    I have made it to my outpost. The sergeant greeted me when I dropped down to the helipad's surface.

    "Ah.. Hello Private!" He greeted. "I'm Sgt. Jerry Irehan, other known as 'Sarge'. Let me take you a tour around here."

    He patted my back and lead me to the barracks. He took me inside the barracks and into a room where there were a few beds and two M4A1s with a gernade launcher attached on two beds. Two men were eating and chatting but the Sergeant interrupted and ordered them to stand.

    "This is Private Kreig, and he will be are newest Newbie." Sarge introduced. "Kreig, this is Pvt. Jeret and Baron. Their in are squad and are idiots."

    Jeret had a headband which made himself look a little threatning and and made his dark skin on the top of his head shine a little. He lifted his head a little up as a greeting. Baron just smiled and said a simple "hello". I waved to the both of them and wondered if this squad is... like my own.. or just screw ups. Anyway, Sarge started heading out the door and I followed. As we walked to the Armory, he pointed to a soldier who sat on a turret case.

    "That there is Private Keith." He notified me. "We call him 'Emo boy'."

    "Why?" I asked.

    "Look yourself." He answered.

    I squinted at the pale kid and saw him cut himself with his own combat knife.

    "Shouldn't we-" I was interrupted.

    "That'll only depress the kid so just leave 'em." Sarge continued on.

    He pushed me a little hard and lead me into the armory and three more units in are squadron. There I saw a blond hair'd dude taking off his boots and two women putting their bulletproof vests into their locker.

    "The blonde one is Lt. Will." He continued on. "These two fine ladies are Mjr. Ishiki Kurisaw, just call her 'Kuri' and here is Cpl. Janette Jones."

    Kurisaw flipped her hair a little to the right and scolded Sarge about.. me?!

    "I told you to just wait leave the newbie alone!" She shouted at him.

    "You ladies would of taken a year to get reay for the proper greeting so I had to do it before he got bored and just transfer to some other squad." He comebacked.

    "Why you..." Kuri growled.

    "Hey, uh... its okay really, Sarge really showed me everyone I needed to know about." I interrupted.

    Kuri stopped and took a deep breath.

    "Tell everyone to meet in are room, Sarge." She ordered. "Before I strangle you."

    "Yes, Sir." Sarge sarcasticly said.

    He walked out of the armory as Kuri walked out too, cursing in japanese and slamming the door behind her.

    "Don't worry about them two." Will said.

    Will had the British accent.. but atleast I could understand what he mostly said.

    "Yeah, they always argue." Jones said. "Like a divorced couple."

    Hoyle laughed and continued on dressing into his casual outfit. Jones took my hand and started pulling me... to the barracks I guess. We got there and Kuri started the meeting.

    "We are going on some mission to clear out a village that was recently taken over by the enemy." She lectured. "We are takin' the jeep there but they might have heavy armor there... you hear that Jeret?"

    "Yeah, Yeah, whatever." Pvt. Jeret said.

    "Anyways, you, I mean you newbie, will be dropped off on a sand dune which is infront of the village." She continued. "Its your first mission with us, so I don't want any screw ups from you."

    I sighed... I'm an expert but... these guys are just.... this is just stupid.

    "Baron... I want you to rush in the middle of the road and take out as many hostiles you can." She planned.

    Wait... what the hell.. sending one person in a suicide run? But why? I pondered but Kreig leaned over to me a little and started to explain something.

    "Oh yeah... Baron is a mentally retarded soldier. Nobody knows how he joined or even why but he's useful for being bait, guinea pig, and lifting heavy ass objects." Sarge added on.

    Oh my god... Why did I transfer to this platoon? The speech was done and everyone headed to their beds for the so called "mission" tomorrow... its not even worth my skills... Jesus.

    0500 hours

    We all geared up in the armory. Sarge held a Bullpup, Kuri equipped an MP5, Baron and Jeret had a M4a1 with gernade launcher, Keith had a G3, Jones carried dual M9s, and Will had a standard M4 Carbine. And I? Well... I was assigned to stay behind...so I grabbed a Magnum Sniper. We all headed to the jeep. Jeret was the gunner and Sarge drove.

    "So Newbie, how long you've been serving?" Jones asked.

    "Two years and a half, Corporal." I replied.

    "No need to get formal, private." She said with a snicker. "In this unit, we don't need no stinkin' respect."

    The trip was long but as we drove, I wondered how these guys made it through boot camp? Unless, their the reserves than its very understandable. Still... this so called "squad" seem like novices formed together to die.

    "Hey! Newbie wake up, we're here!" Sarge yelled as he pulled me out of the car. "This is your stop! Stay here and cover us until we order you to move!"

    The jeep started its engine and headed down the village. I fixed my helmet a little from the drop. He didn't have to be that hard though. I proned on the sand and ignored the heat. Soon, I scoped and checked what the others are doing now. The Jeep opened and Baron came out first, scouting the areas by just running out the field. I observed the area just incase any other snipers were there. Baron stopped and made a signal... from Star Trek. Wow... just wow. Pvt. Will came out second sprinting to the corner of the walls beckoning the others to follow. Baron then ran to Will.

    "Hey, Newbie." Sarge called out from the radio. "Everything checks out in this area, return here."

    "Yes, sir... I mean Sarge." I suttered.

    I ran to them as fast I can and did caught up. There was a feeling that the village is really crawling with some enemies. Hoyle and Sarge were arguing about something and all I caught from it was "Their gonna surround us I just know it!" Major headed to me and ordered me to follow Baron to the next part of the village. Baron and I took casual manuevers together very will of the areas. Still, I got a really bad feeling about it.

    "Kuri! Are you sure this is the right village?!" Sarge asked violently.

    "Yeah! I checked the damn map!" She yelled back.

    "Its empty as hell an I bet I was right about taking the left turn!" Sarge suggested.

    The arguement went on and on. Until we made a checkpoint around the middle of the village.

    1600 Hours

    "This is ridiculous." Kuri mumbled.

    "Let's go back... this is a waist of time." Keith complained.

    "Quiet, emo boy before I cut your tongue off." Kuri threatened.

    "Stop depressing the kid." Sarge scolded.

    A gunshot took the conversation into panic. And it wasn't one of our guns. I stared up the roofs and there were three masked men shooting at us. I centered my head and found more heading this way.

    "Ambush!" Sarge warned.

    "Told ya!" Will taunted.

    "Shut up ya Brit!" Sarge defied.

    We all scattered from each wall and rubbled buildings. I peeked a little and fired a bullet into one of the one's on the roof.

    "Fire at will, Fire at will!" Major yelled.

    Baron started shooting.. but not at the enemy... at Pvt. Will...

    "Not me you moron!" Will panicked. "At the terrorists! The people with masks, stupid!"

    "Ooooh... Sorry buddy." Baron apologized.

    I returned to focusing on the enemy ahead of us and fired a more rounds. It seemed there was endless counts of them! Keith threw a frag gernade and cleared the rest on the roof.

    "Everyone into that house thing!" Kuri ordered.
     
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  2. Deadly shot

    Deadly shot The Offensive Type!

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    We all lowered are weapons and ran into the building with Kuri. Now outside, we all heard the hostiles firing at us.

    "This crazy you foo's!" Jeret panted.

    "We're all going to die here... theres no hope." Keith griefed.

    "Shut up! Emo bastard!" Sarge bellowed at him.

    "Guys! Concentrate on the situation!" I yelled. "I don't care what rank you guys are but you are all just a bunch of maggots who don't do their jobs right! From now on, I'll be giving orders!"

    "Oh, no you ain't, newbie... You-" Kuri said.

    "My name is Private Harry Kreig and I'm not a newbie! I am a special trained USMC soldier from Fire team Zulu to here and transferred from the best squad yet! You call yourselves a team?! You all act like the unorginized terrorists themselves!" I interrupted her. "Now heres the plan! Baron, you kick open the back door and kill as many targets as you can!"

    "I don't like bullets coming at me, I'm alergic to that." Baron made an excuse.

    "Whats the one thing you really hate?" I asked him.

    Baron took a moment and said it so quietly... it scared me a while.

    "Chess pieces..." He mumbled.

    "Well, those 'Chess pieces' are shooting at us and do you want those to outsmart you?!" I urged him.

    "No!" Baron yelled. "They think their so smart! I'll get the last checkmate!"

    He burst out of the backdoor and started firing at the hostiles that were waiting out there. He should buy us some time.

    "Okay, the rest of you are with me!" I ordered. "I'll call in a few helicopters to aid us and drop a few more troops off here."

    "We don't need help!" Sarge declined.

    "Well you guys look like you all do!" I forced. "Jones, make covering fire from behind as the rest target any tangos from left, right, and ahead! Now lets move out!"

    I ran out the door too and called in the radio for support. Then, I ordered Jeret and Sarge to hold Baron and drag him with us. His anger and ignorance will make him struggle alot. We almost made it to the jeep but now... a Tank showed up infront. We all stopped and stared in horror.

    "Oh great move, Kreig!" Will yelled. "Now we're going to be blown to pieces!"

    "Uhh..., Kuri you take care of the situation now." I said nervously.

    Major stared at me and shook her head slowly. She made a sign to head to the rooftops and wait for the copters to rescue us. The gunfire started to increase and the tank fired its first shell near us. Major Kuri lead us to the stairs behind the mudhouse. We fought very hard trying to kill as many terrorists as we can. They were like pissed off ants... more like fire ants since they can spit out venom... but you get my point.

    "Hey umm guys." Jeret started.

    "Keep firing private!" Sarge yelled at him.

    "Where's Baron?!" Jeret ignored Sarge.

    We all noticed... we stopped holding him down and now he's somewhere down there probably getting himself killed..

    "Hey guys, I found him!" Will hollered.

    He pointed near the tank and we all looked. Sarge didn't really care so he just concentrated taking out the mob of guerillas.

    "Baron, What're you doing man?" Jones Radio'd him.

    "They bringing out the horse piece 'cause they think it can take out my pawns! I'll show them!" He said in the radio. "Hold on a minute!"

    He climbed the tank and emptied a clip of the attackers behind him. He threw his rifle and pulled out a Glock. An enemy soldier opened the top of the tank and aimed his AK-47 at Baron. Baron raised his arm with the glock and punched him. He then, pulled out an HE Gernade and threw it in the tank.

    "Happy Present-Day!" I overheard Baron on the radio.

    The tank gave off an explosion that rung my ears for a while. He started running to us but raising his pistol firing randomly at the sky though.

    "What is really wrong with him?" I asked everyone.

    "I don't know, we hardly understand half the st-." Pvt. Will stopped at that part then... "Oh god! Aughh!!"

    He was shot in the left shoulder and blood starting spilling out of it.

    "Who's the medic?! He needs assistance now!" I alarmed everyone.

    I looked around but everyone was firing on the ledge... except for Keith.. raising his hand.

    "You're the medic?!" I asked.

    "Yes, got a problem?" Keith said very depressingly.

    "Well?! Help your frie-" Keith then interrupted me.

    "Will IS NOT my friend!" He shouted. "He'd always make fun of me and I hope he really dies from that shot!"

    "Forget the past! Think about this, you could save him now and gain his respect OR let him die and end up getting haunted by it for the rest of your life." I lectured.

    Keith stepped up and sighed.

    "You owe me one Will." He whispered.

    He started to try to pull out the bullet first. I was relieved but the big problem now is the enemies are now close enough to throw gernades at us.

    "Yo! Rescue parties above!" Sarge yelled in glee.

    It came close by and the gunner started taking out the groups of killers infront of us.

    "Alright everyone get on!" Kuri ordered happily.

    I saw windows bust open and more of them popped up firing at us. Then I heard a bad sound... something people never want to hear while being rescued by a copter.

    "RPG!" Jones warned everyone.

    The copter was hit on the tail and started swinging around then crashed down into three building blocking the mobs in that area.

    "What now smart-ass?" Kuri asked me.

    "Your the high rank you tell me." I answered.

    "Ladies first huh? That your plan?!" She debated.

    Baron came running up the stairs holding some kind of paper.

    "Hey guys! I found these funny drawings the bad guys draw!" Baron rambled.

    "Give me that." Kuri snatched it.

    She looked at the papers and her face changed to shock.

    "Oh my god... they were planning to take are base to use are planes as bombers... We just saved the U.S!" She detailed.

    "And England?" Will asked.

    "Oh please, you're country is so powerful, not even China would want you guys to pay your debts." Sarge corrected.

    "Guys, heres the plan." Kurisaw gathered. "Are jeep is probably still parked since the terrorists are mostly here. So, they must of not realized its still there then."

    Everyone nodded once... its complicated but this team can do the impossible I guess. Keith started drag Will down the stairs and did it rougly. Baron took the lead as he randomly charges the corners making his Glock frenzy rounds into patrolling groups of hostiles we run into. This might actually work.

    1900 hours

    There is was... the jeep.. the only way to get back and warn every soldier in the base about the full-on attack. We all sprinted to it and had the feeling of a hero. We're going to be heroes. Who helped these novices to become heroes? Me.

    "Where do you think you all going?" A dark voice said.

    We looked behind... and I saw a big man.... 7'2 holding an MG. Baron yelped and shot a bullet into his chest... it hit but the giant didn't show any pain.

    "We were planning to take your base nearby but I guess you guys wanted to speed things up." He continued on.

    "How do you know english?" Will asked.

    "I killed many of your men say the same things and I understood as I butchered 'em." He answered.

    "The British men?!" Will started to get serious.

    "No, no, I mean the American troops ya brit." He corrected. "I have no interest who I kill anyway... its time to show what I will do to your soldiers in your outposts!"

    He started firing at the floor then near to us... laughing madly. We scattered again. Except cover was limited against that fire power.

    "Try to get his head!" Jones informed us.

    I ran out of ammo for my sniper after three shots on his torso. It takes no effect either. This'll be complicated. We need him not to notice the jeep too. I took a peek out again to concentrate my fire on the giant again but I saw Sarge walking through the gunfire from the big man.

    "In every military quote AND rebel." Sarge spoke. "Be a man and fight like one."

    The firing stopped and Sarge started to drop out his weapons and armor. The giant did the same.

    "Well bring it on." Sarge challenged. "Show me that you didn't just use weapons to kill America's men!"

    Sarge let out the first blow out of his fist and hit the enemy's right side. He started to moan in pain a little.

    "How could this be?!" The giant said in pain.

    "Back in my day, them 6th graders would bully me and beat me in 4th grade." Sarge said. "Now who's laughin'?"

    The giant started blocking his hits and when he got a chance, he strike on Sarge's head. Sarge fell on the ground but he still got up.

    "You know what I learned from the 6th grade bullies?" He asked the giant.

    "The bigger they are, the harder they fall?" The giant answered.

    "No... They had a weakspot and it was right..." Sarge striked him in the crotch and finally said. "HERE!"

    The giant was now groaning in pain holding himself in the between of the legs. Then Sarge picked up his Desert Eagle and fired at his head.

    "Enjoy your seventy-two virgins." Sarge said. "C'mon team on to the jeep!"

    It was... pretty lame but amazing that the Sarge could take someone that big. Jones started the car as Jeret got up to the top on the turret firing some of the hostiles on the roof.

    "That... was awsome Sarge!" Will proudly said.

    We all laughed and celebrated on the drive back...

    2 hours later... we got to the base and warned them about the attack. We got a few casualties but we got to hold them all off with the British army arriving during the attack.

    Its funny that this team is very abnormal but... they're unique enough to actually finish an objective... Hehe..

    1 year later

    "Hey, dude the fighters just deployed an anti-air site behind are bases and they shootin' down are suppliers." Keith reported. "So thats probably why we've been eating pudding the whole month."

    Another man entered the room and it was Sarge... he was ready to go for it.

    "Your call... General.." He said.

    "Hmm..." I pondered. "Lets go kick some ass team!"

    THE END


    Author: Deadly "DS" shot

    Inspired by: BF: Bad Company
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2009
  3. Angel of Game

    Angel of Game You want ban?

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    Good story, dude! Finally, I can read your story again! XD

    I always wait for your next chapter for your novel, so take your time and grab some cola for celebration. :D
     
  4. Fire-Fly

    Fire-Fly Valued by Funny-Games

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    It's not bad, but some constructive criticism.
    If your working on it for a novel please get some new words. Take the opening paragraph (taking it from the very start till 1800 hours) out of the 13 or so sentences you used 'I' to start 6 of them. If you are truly aspiring to become a writer or even write a novel, invest in a thesaurus! Better yet use this click. It will bring your level of English up to a much higher standard. Yes there isn't any other words for 'I' per say. But with a simple rephrasing of the sentence you could have it mean the same thing, while keeping it fresh. The reason it is so important to not start everything with 'I', is because it makes reading it at times a chore, not to mention it's not good writing.

    You may want to check over some of the spellings of certain words/phrasing of sentences. Just little mistakes, for example:
    Should be "I hope that your new squad notices your great potential!"
    It's just those little mistakes that you need to adjust. You should get some one at home, or a friend who has a good level of English to proof read. Or even if you don't want to show it to someone at home, PM it to someone to proof first.

    Other than those mistakes looks good. Looking forward to the next part
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2009
  5. DarkStar

    DarkStar Banned

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    "That kicks ass!", Oh wait your novelette.
    "That kicks harder ass!"
     
  6. Deadly shot

    Deadly shot The Offensive Type!

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    Sorry about Typos and repetitive "easy words" I'm just trying to get better again. So yeah... and this is a short story so this wont have a sequal unless its recommended by many.
     
  7. The Alaskan Firedragon

    The Alaskan Firedragon Stupid Boy Whore

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    Wow, no offence, but if I handed that in to my english teacher, she wouldn't mark it.
    Not with all the Spelling and grammatical errors, it's just the kind of thing you see all the time from 13 year olds, all pent up on COD and Halo.
    Firstly, you shouldn't have social stereotypes. Your characters should be unique, and all loveable. So, saying the only black squadmate Kreig have appears threatening, and speaks like Mr. T, probably isn't the best way to go. Likewise, Emoboy? Even if you want an Emo character, you could written something that implies self harm, instead of actually having him cutting himself.
    Secondly, 'allied soldier' has been done to death. Good stories come from the other side, so some militant, or even a traitor, would have much more intresting stories to tell, especially if you only reveal the character properly towards the end. So for all the reader knows, 'Kreig' is just some soldier fighting to protect his family and country from an impossible foe, and then -BAM!- Two lines from the end you reveal that he is bombed by NATO forces in 1995 Bosnia.
    (second to) Lastly, when developing a veteran war hero's character, always give them some form of trauma which can justify their previous actions. It's like the trump card about soldier characters. If everywhere Kreig looks, he sees his mental scars, like children he'd killed etc. It brings a huge depth to your character, and also sends a bit of a political statement.
    But W/e, if your just going to take one thing from my post, know that implication is everything in a story. Seriously, at least half of your story should not be directly written, but graspable to the average reader. It truely makes for an awesome tale.
     
  8. Deadly shot

    Deadly shot The Offensive Type!

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    New Short Story Coming soon! Look forward to it!
     
  9. Angel of Game

    Angel of Game You want ban?

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    Really? That's good! Make sure this story can satisfy everyone!
    I'll look forward to it. ;)
     

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