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An Emo-ish Poem

Discussion in 'Arts' started by sadisticxXxbadass, Feb 22, 2009.

  1. sadisticxXxbadass

    sadisticxXxbadass Not-a-noob-much

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    I made this...last night? Take note, I am not an emo okay?

    My heart is full of holes
    I don’t have a dream, nor a goal
    So, what’s the point of me being alive?
    I don’t know, but I just want to die.

    I’m selfish and rude.
    And rarely does anything good.
    Some say I’m weird and insane
    They’ve just never experienced my pain.

    I hold my tears back.
    Because of the happiness and securities I lack.
    I need my thoughts to be at peace
    And keep sane, for awhile at least.

    My head is hurting.
    All confused and swirling.
    I don’t want to live my life anymore.
    It has all been very sore.

    Even with great friends beside me.
    Who made me laugh and feel giddy.
    I hope then, there will be no guilt nor regret
    That I’ll be someone they’ll never forget.

    I could cry a river, I could cry a sea.
    But it would all be just, within me.
    I’ll make a poem, I’ll make a song.
    The night anyways, is still long.

    Woots, tell me what you think about it
     
  2. wolfpackgirl12123

    wolfpackgirl12123 bite me

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    awesome dude
     
  3. Angel of Game

    Angel of Game You want ban?

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    Nice poem!
    I like it very much.
    Keep it up! :thumb:
     
  4. The Alaskan Firedragon

    The Alaskan Firedragon Stupid Boy Whore

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    Yeah, that was pretty emo, but I don't feel the last 2 stanzas fit in with the poem.
    And this is coming from someone who has no business in picking apart others work.
    That said, I really thought the first 4 verses were really good. I guess to improve you should concentrate primarily on your themes, and decide on an overall message or point, which you can then pass on to your reader, instead of, (excuse me) rambling about how much your (or the speaker's) life sucks. But yeah, considering you pride yourself on not being emo, it was a very good attempt (?) at writing emo poetry.
    And yeah, usually they do all sound like 'My heart is an abyss', but that's because they usually suck at writing (despite priding themselves on being creative.)

    And are pussies. Obviously.
     
  5. PinkLollypop

    PinkLollypop Lolly Lover

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    Yeah was a bit emo, but as you say you'r not an emo it was very nice so keep it up
     
  6. Ezio

    Ezio Hardcore/Retarded gamer

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    I pretty much liked it overall. Only suggestion as a poem writer to another Poems really don't have to rhyme and trying to force some will ruin the whole thing. That said one or two lines were a stretch but no one's perfect so keep at the writing cause it's good.
     
  7. Kuriko

    Kuriko Arcade Gamer

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    Awsome poem.

    Kerrod... banned?

    About time.
     

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