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funny games:the untold story

Discussion in 'Arts' started by marl, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. marl

    marl n00b

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    as the sun arises on the horizon,all primitave life forms awaken from there slumber
    the pterotactyles screech in the sky,the t-rex's roar there thunderous voice across the descilet wasteland,this is the dawn of funny games. hershey and darkstar were wandering in the jungle trying to find the "goblet of truth" it is rumoured that the goblet of truth is hidden in the jungle, they say that it is the key to funny games and whoever finds it will open the dimension to funny games.com and save the internet from being boring and useless.as darkstar and hershey were walking through the jungle they stumbled across ninjamonkey camp they met the chief ninjamonkey himself,darkstar and hershey told him about the goblet of truth. ninjamonkey said he will help look for it and he will bring one of his allies,marl and they named themself the ferocious four they were walking across the grassland then theysaw a collosul volcano with something shining on its summit "the goblet" whispered darkstar under his breath. the ferocious four scrambled up the volcano
    desprately to get to the goblet, then they heard a huge bang as the huge volcanic giant erupted "HURRY UP!" screamed hershey "im on it!!!" shouted marl as he jumped to the goblet. "i've got it!" yelled marl, but marl lost his footing and fell into the volcano, but he grab held of a ledge" HELP!!" he shouted "im coming!!" screamed ninjamonkey and he pulled marl up just in time. sunddenly a portal opened up and the internet was boredom free forever.
    the end.:coolgleam::coolgleam::fmad:
     
  2. adidas boy

    adidas boy n00b

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    Good work

    Hey cool story very good nice job :thumb:
     
  3. marl

    marl n00b

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    thanks!:D:D:D
     
  4. loladin

    loladin Whaddawhore

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    Well, after reading this I've noticed you want Darkstar, NinjaMonkey and Hershey to accept you. As well as that you still cant type or write, I think reading that is a hazard to your mental health.

    I think I dropped a few IQ points deciphering that...
     
  5. marl

    marl n00b

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    i dont need acceptance by people all i want is to write a good story.
     
  6. Chaossama

    Chaossama Just a user, literally

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    Given that you deliberately added their names into it, despite not even knowing them past their online personas, I'd have to say you ARE looking for acceptance. Change the names to Ted, Bob, and Jane and people might be convinced you're not looking to just boost off their names.

    EDIT: The story doesn't read like a story, it doesn't seem to flow. I could be wrong of course, but honestly it just didn't feel anything like a story, let alone a good one. You tell, not show, work on that....

    Second EDIT: I'm not an author, I might be just spouting words out of my ass for all I know. I just don't feel like it's something I could sit down and have images pop into my head as I read.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 9, 2009
  7. Kyoujin

    Kyoujin Growls engraved over time

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    Bankai!

    I was really traumatized from just reading this story, it made absolutely no sense. *stifles a laughter when he put "funny games. com"*
    And you were trying to get acceptance from the three you put. What makes a story god is character development and how everything flows out, depending on what the story is about. You sir, did not do that. You just slapped everything onto the board and hope it could work out, and all of a sudden put 3 members that don't really act how you made them do in the storyline. If you are going to use someone, make them look almost as if they are themselves, do not make up personalities, like how Deadly shot did in his 2 FGF stories.
    You sir fail.


    Ba Bye!
     
  8. Zeusy

    Zeusy The Surreal Love Bastard

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    . . . . . . . . . . . . whoa​

    Ummmm Yeah, YOu gotta wok on your writing.
    Ummm..... You better off Making up your own characters than basing it off other people. Plus, that can get you in a alot of trouble
     
  9. Fire-Fly

    Fire-Fly Valued by Funny-Games

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    Yes yes it was quite shit. But I'm not gonna knock ya for writing something bad. You want to get better so practice makes perfect. But if you really do want to get better, then look for online guides for help.

    Click me!
     
  10. Dr. Nick

    Dr. Nick Dr. Doc

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    For god sakes dragon.... Did he say he was perfect... NO. Did he say he was an author... NO. He just made a story and decided to go with it. Nobody's perfect. Yes indeed he could use a lot of improvement but down right degrading him for at least trying... That's a new low. I could point out all the flaws at your drawings and say you fail but you know what, I don't. Sure what if he was looking for acceptance to some point, we all are.

    @Marl: It was a good try but you still need a bit of practice.
     
  11. Kyoujin

    Kyoujin Growls engraved over time

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    Bankai!

    Did I say he was supposed to be perfect? No.
    That was just my 2 cents, if it sounded really harsh, oh well, deal with it, just like how I dealt with some of the criticisms in my drawings. Also, as I said, if he was trying to get some acceptance, then he shouldn't have tried that way.

    Sorry for going off-topic, I just wanted to point that out.


    Ba Bye!
     
  12. im2ignorant2care

    im2ignorant2care Hersh's French Fry Pirate

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    I lol'd.

    DarkStar just doesn't care, NinjaMonkey's acceptance is as desirable as herpes, and Hershey has been hanging around me far too long to have sympathy for these likes..

    Better idea: Next time, do what everyone else does and just suck up to the Mods. At least that sucking up is expected and properly ignored.

    Nice try at the far-fetched, unexplained, hard-to-figure-out story, though.

    It's FGF. What more is expected?
     
    DarkStar likes this.
  13. TubaDude

    TubaDude Guest

    Ok. That... made me laugh.

    Anyway. I think he would have done a lot better if he didn't sum it all up into one little summery of a story. Maybe he could try again but put more time into next time. And I think he used those names because maybe he saw them the most in the forums, and because they are well known on Funny Games to him, he just put their names down for the sake of acknowledging that it is Funny Games.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 10, 2009
  14. marl

    marl n00b

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    thank you!!!:)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 11, 2009
  15. Deadly shot

    Deadly shot The Offensive Type!

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    Umm. I think mine is better xD
     

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