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Limericks(18+ suggested)

Discussion in 'Messing around and talking' started by Agent47, Jan 30, 2009.

  1. Agent47

    Agent47 Guest

    :rcain::rcain:

    Lol here are some limericks i -ahem- "heard".

    There once was a girl in Bermuda
    Every man on the island had screwed her
    I love how the rest
    Is utterly best
    'Cause they screwed her and screwed her and screwed her

    Here a comedy one.

    The was a lady from Madras
    Who had a magnificent ass
    Not what you think
    Soft, round and pink
    It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

    This one is for the patriot ladies
    (no offense HeHe)

    There was a New Yorker named Hannah
    Who had to make love on a piannah
    A hell of a fine way
    To treat a new Steinway
    But that is the Star Spangled mannah

    This is my personal fave

    There was a young man from Utrecht
    Who was subtle yet direct
    To a girl he would say
    "Are you good for a lay?"
    (He did better than one would expect.)

    If you have a limerick, lease post it (NOTE: it doesn't have to be dirty).:roftl::roftl:
     
  2. Rubylula

    Rubylula Like a mother bitch.

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    The best one... EVA!

    There once was a shiny, green gecko,
    Who was rather fond of Art Decko.
    He shouted out "Hey!
    What can I do today?
    I think I'll just sit on this orange."

    sssScore?
     
  3. Hershey

    Hershey i2's Chocolate Megatron.

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    Shazam!

    There once was a man from Peru
    Who had a lot of growing up to do,
    He'd ring a doorbell,
    then run like hell,
    Until the owner shot him with a .22

    That's the only one I can remember. ;D
     
  4. Critically Explosive

    Critically Explosive Nuclear capacity 97.4%...

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    Here's a limerick with another 'lay'.

    The sexiest girl of the day,
    went to a boy for a lay.
    They jumped into bed,
    but then the boy said,
    "Oh wait, i'm actually gay."

    Lol! Made that on the spot! :roftl:
     
  5. sadisticxXxbadass

    sadisticxXxbadass Not-a-noob-much

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    There was a gay in my section
    Who liked to put on lotion
    But it disappeared
    So his skin became weird
    And now he destroyed his reputation.

    Made that on the spot...
     
  6. templarnight

    templarnight ...physcosocial

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    well, heres what i got

    roses are red
    lemons are sour
    open your legs
    give me an hour
     
  7. sadisticxXxbadass

    sadisticxXxbadass Not-a-noob-much

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    that ain't a limerick anymores...

    I had a friend named Allen
    Who ate lots and lots then,
    but he got a tummy ache
    and loud noises he would make
    So we had to lock him in the pen.
     
  8. Kami_Tora_Ken

    Kami_Tora_Ken Lord of Knowledgable Oddi

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    There once was a woman from Venus
    Who had a body shaped like a penis
    she came upon a gay pair
    and on said with a flare
    This woman could come in between us

    My bro and I made this up years ago
     
  9. BulletSponge

    BulletSponge Bored with this site

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    Singing this one helps you do pushups, lift 800lb Rubber Boats, and carry people for 3 miles over your shoulder while being yelled at. Try it!
    *Fragile Ears Warning*

    I put my hand upon her knee (yo-ho, yo-ho)
    I put my hand upon her knee (yo-ho, yo-ho)
    I put my hand upon her knee. She said, "Frogman put it in me!"
    Get in get it out quit fucking about (yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho)

    I put my hand upon her breast (yo-ho, yo-ho)
    I put my hand upon her breast (yo-ho, yo-ho)
    I put my hand upon her breast. She said, "Frogman you've passed the test!"
    Get in get it out quit fucking about (yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho)

    I put my hand upon her skirt (yo-ho, yo-ho)
    I put my hand upon her skirt (yo-ho, yo-ho)
    I put my hand upon her skirt. She said, "Frogman I'm gonna squirt!"
    Get in get it out quit fucking about (yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho)

    I put my hand upon her clit (yo-ho, yo-ho)
    I put my hand upon her clit (yo-ho, yo-ho)
    I put my hand upon her clit. She said, "Frogman now that's the shit!"
    Get in get it out quit fucking about (yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho)

    This jody was required for memorization for my cousin's BUD's class. Interesting stuff our military teaches its SEALs

    Show. Off.
    ~Hershey :3
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 3, 2009
  10. templarnight

    templarnight ...physcosocial

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    lol we sang that in gym during the 4 mile run. it was funny :). my friends brother was in the USMC and he taught us that.
     
  11. Brendan360

    Brendan360 Total jakie

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    okay okay i got one, but if your offended easily don't read.

    There was once a girl called maddy
    Who had a very irresponsible daddy
    She was taken from her bed
    And is probably dead
    She was raped by a portugese baddy
     
  12. Charismatic_Caterpie

    Charismatic_Caterpie Professional Gamer

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    Here's an original:

    While strolling at night in Central Park,
    A lady got raped by a man of skin dark.
    He gave her a dicking,
    And the bitch started kicking
    So he stabbed her and drove away in a shark

    And here's a classic:

    There once was a man from Nantucket,
    Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
    He said with a grin
    As he wiped off his chin,
    "If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!

     
  13. Agent47

    Agent47 Guest

    new one

    There is a girl who cannot dance
    She had a picnic in the grass,
    She tickled her ass,
    So hard, sexy, and fast
    Until she cummed her pants.


    There was a young hooker named Jess
    Who loved a good pelvic press
    At her hotel
    She gave out a yell
    The third maid was the best


    There is a man from Borno
    Who couldnt resist the porno
    HOLY SHIT!
    THATS GAY ISN"T IT!!!!
    A guy sucking his ass


    Caterpie this is like urs:


    There once was a man from Nantucket,
    Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
    His wife couldn't take it,
    He wouldn't share,
    And now he's got a second one too
     
  14. marl

    marl n00b

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    well check this out!

    there was a young girl from darjeeling
    who woke up with the most terrible feeling
    she lay on her back
    opened her crack
    and pissed all over the ceiling

    there was a young man from peru
    who fell asleep in a canoe
    he dreamed of venus
    while playing with his penis
    and woke up with a hand full of goo
    :D:D:D
     
  15. Agent47

    Agent47 Guest

    lol

    newsters here


    a dog named Huck
    was down on his luck
    couldnt find a mate
    cuz he was too late
    till he gave a hooker a fuck


    That guy in the bar
    he loves his car
    so shiny, and new , and blue
    but this is the joke
    inside of his car
    thats where he would screw


    heres the best ive heard

    There once was a pretty slut
    Who had a gigantic butt
    An asshole one day
    Would come up and say
    "Might you help me bust a nut?"
     
  16. marl

    marl n00b

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    there was a man from darjeeling
    who went on a bus bound for ealing
    he saw a sign on the door
    that said "please dont spit on the floor"
    so he stood up and spat on the cealing
    lol!!!:):D:roftl:
     
  17. gwarhammer

    gwarhammer Cpt on the Ship of Fools

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    In true style, here's the geeky one I found on bash:

    A programmer started to cuss
    Because getting to sleep was a fuss
    As he lay there in bed
    Looping 'round in his head
    Was while(!asleep) { sheep++; }

    Although I admit, it makes more sense if you know some C...
     
  18. HappyFruit!

    HappyFruit! Fricking love fruit!

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    A guy named Wiggums
    with girls he always jiggsums
    one may say wow
    one may say ow!
    cuz of his giant piggums
     
  19. azriel

    azriel n00b

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    there once was a man from great britan
    who walked up to two ladies a knittin
    he said with a sigh
    dear ladies well I
    just painted their right where your sittin


    the once was a woman named jill
    who screwed dynamite for a thrill
    they found her vagina
    in north carolina
    and bits of her tits in brazil
     
  20. fgplayer

    fgplayer ;3

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    There was a young girl from Rabat,

    who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;

    It was fun in the breeding,

    But hell in the feeding,

    When she found she had no tit for Tat.
     

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